I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
