i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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