We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
