Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
