I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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