I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
