I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
