Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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