Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
