matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
