So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
