She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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