I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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