I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
