I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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