franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
