she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
