He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
