What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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