were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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