Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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