He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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