hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
