garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
