in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
