i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
