Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it's like iHOP with fire
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
