i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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