Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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