He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
