ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
