Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
