I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
even my farts smell like vagina
only you would photoshop your dick
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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