I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
