Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
