I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Your penis caused this!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
