please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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