Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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