Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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