I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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