Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
