shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
