So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
