I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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