I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
