So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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