Did you just see the Batmobile???
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
