Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
