is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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