nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
