dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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