first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
