It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
