I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is the high leading the old right now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
