Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
